Internet fraud, popularly called Yahoo Yahoo has been trending over the last couple days. This is due to a popular club in Lagos being raided by the EFCC, and statements made by Noble Igwe, an Internet Entrepreneur. While most people have vehemently expressed their grievance with fraud, others have openly supported the game, subtly supported it, shown sympathy, and/or made attempts to deflect. We have therefore curated a list of 10 kinds of people in the ongoing conversations.
These ones take central seat in the argument. They back the course till the last drop and wouldn’t mind how shameful they sound when they openly boast about what they do. They are icons in the game, and many of them have taken it a step further with Yahoo Plus rituals – where they involve native doctors and relocate people’s destinies. Anybody who disapproves is a ‘hater’. Their favorite line when defending fraud is “politicians are the ones milking Nigeria dry, attack them first”. They are the very ones standing on the Yahoo Yahoo table, and they are ready to fall with it. We die here.
These are the immediate beneficiaries of Yahoo Yahoo, and the biggest voltrons of the movement. They have either refused to see the ugly side of fraud or have chosen to ignore it. They are mostly family, friends, ‘boys’ and girlfriends of G boys, and their wellbeing depends heavily on proceeds from ‘investment’. They even pray that God should bless the handwork of their benefactors. Chai. God has suffered.
Also known as the ‘not fully yahoo guy, not fully legit guy’ group. One leg is in; and the other one is out. These ones are indecisive; they basically don’t know what’s doing them. They are haunted by sense of morality and home training. They know Yahoo Yahoo is bad but they envy the flashy life it offers. Morning and night, they wear different garments, literally.
This group has been brainwashed to believe Yahoo Yahoo is a hustle. Their brains have been so washed, it is not useful for anything, not even Yahoo Yahoo. All they know how to do is give moral support to fraudsters, run errands for their OGs, and defend them when the need arises. They are major beneficiaries of fraud and they are the loudest hypemen.
The ‘one timers’
These ones strongly believe they are not Yahoo boys. They just did or want to do it once and exit the game. Some of them need to raise capital to finance their business or solve a problem. So they (say they will) do it once and stay clear. Did they truly do it only once? Na dem and God sabi.
Legit Yahoo boys
These ones are the worst. They do not live the flamboyant lifestyle of Yahoo boys. They look like legit upwardly mobile young people, and you will never know they are fraudsters. Some of them even have legit businesses they front, but behind the scenes, they have ended dreams and left people penniless. They are respected members of the society and role models. Their fashion game is classy, and they can finesse their way into people’s hearts, and pants. They disappear from Social Media or start dropping inspirational posts when Yahoo Yahoo is being discussed. They do not support or oppose because they don’t want to risk being exposed by people who may know them.
Oh, you thought Yahoo Yahoo was exclusively for men? In this day and age of gender equality? You thought wrong fam. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. I mean, one of the popular formats is a man masquerading as a woman to defraud men in the abroad. So, what’s stopping a woman from being a woman and defrauding men in the abroad? You sef think am. They are amongst us. They are our WCWs, big babes, WCEs. You will think they are mere beneficiaries of Yahoo Boys, but they are Queenpins in their own right. Icons. Thieves. Slaygends.
The goalpost shifters
Well these people believe something unsolvable pushed them to the point of scamming people. To defend their crime, they often say things like “it is better than armed robbery”; “unemployment pushed me”; “it was a last resort”; “hate the game but not player”, etc. These ones have biscuit in their brain and might be short sighted. Some of them even go as far as blaming Buhari for everything – even mosquito bites. When the argument is about to be lost, the goalpost shifts to “Yahoo boys are productive”; “they have done more than politicians”; “politicians are worse”, and so on. Animals in Gucci flip-flops.
The Robin Hoods
These ones like to be known and addressed as philanthropists. They are always trying to help people online, and solve problems. They consider themselves modern day Robin Hoods – steal from the rich and give to the poor. They see themselves as privileged and want to lift others out of poverty. So they pay people’s school fees, send their mothers to Mecca, pay medical bills and spray money on the TL with reckless abandon. They get high off comments like “God bless your hustle”: “Moses of our generation”; “Bless my account sir”, etc. Philantropthieves.
Finally (but does not end here) this is the opposition group, popularly called haters. This is all of us who do not support fraud or make attempts to justify it or sympathize with practitioners. These are the people who see how distasteful and awful Yahoo Yahoo is and will not stop condemning it in all ramifications. These are the people encouraging and preaching the gospel of legit and honest living. No matter how alluring the big-boy lifestyle is, these ones will never agree it is justification to venture into criminal hustle. These ones are blessed, and no matter what their bank account looks like, they deserve good things.
In conclusion, no matter what it is called – cha che, G, Yahoo, Hustle, etc., fraud is a crime and no other name can be use to polish or sugarcoat it. It not only ruins lives, it hurts our reputation as a country and ensures a lot of legit people lose out on foreign opportunities they deserve. The long term effect is heavier than black Benz and nobody should practice, encourage or make excuses for those who practice it.
Yahoo involves some measure of commitment. Devote that same energy to something positive and enjoy a modest life that doesn’t see you looking over your shoulder. There’s clean money to be made, and those doing it do not have 2 heads.
Let he who has an ear, hear.
Curated by Ibukun Samuel. Find her on Twitter @VennyPoppin