Temitope Adeiye
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You MUST throw up at least twice or you’re not pregnant
Pregnancy that you did not vomit, is that one pregnancy? It doesn’t matter what the doctor says, if you don’t throw up, your pregnancy is unconfirmed.
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Big babes wear heels. All the time
Even if they’re just going to buy puff puff at the bus stop, they must wear heels. Have you seen any self-respecting big girl wear flats? Nollywood will simply not allow.
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You must feed each other to consolidate your love
Are you really in love if you don’t run around on the beach and feed each other in Mr Biggs? What kind of fake love is that? Your relationship isn’t valid until you do either or both.
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Cele pastor must intervene
When the going gets too tough, run to a higher authority. After a series of unfortunate events, the characters come to the realization that it is not a battle against the flesh but against the spirit.
You must go to Cele church, babalawo or alfa to find out the cause of your problems and solve them. Otherwise you’re not serious
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Villains must run mad at the end of the movie.
No matter what issue you have with Nollywood, you must give it to them, they do not allow villains go scot free.
After the intervention of Cele pastor or alfa, serious fasting, prayers and spiritual fortifying, everything will bounce back to the sender who will then run mad.
If the villain hasn’t run mad the movie isn’t over.
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Thieves must smoke ‘ciga’ and drink Gulder
What type of thief/armed robber are you if you don’t smoke cigarettes, drink Gulder and wear face cap? Do you even take your profession seriously?
Those are your tools of trade and you must have them on you almost all the time.
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Mother-in-laws are evil
Every self-respecting mother-in-law must make her daughter-in-law miserable. It’s in the rule book.
You must complain about everything at every given opportunity. If the couple hasn’t had children, it is your duty to throw her out and bring your son a brand new wife from the village.
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A doctor only needs his stethoscope
Are you really a doctor if you don’t use ordinary stethoscope to diagnose any and everything from headache and malaria to cancer and kidney failure?
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Prostitutes must look tacky
Clearly, you’re not serious about your prostitution work if you don’t fix eyelashes, wear cheap-looking tank top and loud (and ugly) makeup.
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You must return from ‘abroad’ with a dubious accent
Did you really come back from the abroad if you didn’t come with some type of fake accent? Ask Jim Iyke, Igwe Tupac and Hanks Anuku.
It doesn’t matter if you only went for a two-week holiday, just buy an accent on your way back.
