“The first time I noticed it, I convinced myself I was imagining things.”
On today’s episode of “Why The Ship Sank”, we interviewed Tobi (27,M). He shares how a relationship he hoped would lead to marriage ended because of a hygiene issue he couldn’t overlook.
Q: How did you meet her?
We met through a mutual friend in 2024. She was smart, funny and honestly one of the most confident women I’d ever met. We clicked almost immediately and started dating a few weeks later.
Q: What was the relationship like at the beginning?
Pretty good. She was caring, ambitious and very expressive. My friends liked her. My siblings liked her. Everything seemed to be going well.
Q: So when did you start noticing something was off?
Maybe three months into the relationship.
One day, I went to pick her up for a date. She opened the door looking a bit rough, so I jokingly asked if she’d just woken up.
She laughed and said, “No, I’ve actually been awake since morning.” I noticed her hair looked exactly the same as it had looked the previous evening. I didn’t think much of it.
Q: Why did that stand out to you?
Because most people freshen up before going out.
But again, I told myself I was overthinking it.
Q: What happened next?
A few weeks later, she spent the weekend at my place.
On Sunday morning, I noticed she hadn’t used the bathroom once except to brush her teeth.
No shower. Nothing. I assumed she’d do it before leaving.
She didn’t.
Q: Did you ask her about it?
Not directly.
I asked if she wanted fresh towels because I was about to have my bath. She looked at me like I was offering her extra homework. Then she said, “I’m fine. I bathed on Friday.”
It was… Sunday, mind you.
Q: What did you think?
I was shocked, but I still tried to rationalise it.
Maybe she was tired. Maybe she’d been depressed. Maybe it was a one-time thing.
Q: Was it?
Not even close.
The longer we dated, the more I realised that bathing was almost optional for her. She could go two days. Three days. Sometimes more.
And the craziest part was that she saw absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Q: Did you ever ask why?
Yes. But still, I gave excuses as per she’s a remote worker and barely goes out.
She told me people bathe too much. She said unless she was visibly dirty or sweating heavily, she didn’t see the point. I remember sitting there wondering if we had been raised on different planets.
Q: Was she at least open to changing?
No.
One time, I carefully suggested that daily bathing is generally normal where we’re from. She accused me of being brainwashed by social expectations.
The conversation somehow turned into a debate about capitalism, water consumption and societal conditioning.
I wish I was joking.
Q: At what point did you realise this was a serious problem?
When we travelled together.
We spent four days at a hotel. I watched this woman wake up, get dressed, spray perfume and leave the room without going near the shower.
Repeatedly.
That’s when it hit me that this wasn’t a phase, it was her lifestyle.
Q: How did the relationship end?
Eventually, I had to be honest.
Hygiene is important to me. Attraction is important to me. She felt I was judging her. I felt she refused to acknowledge a problem. Neither of us budged.
Q: So it ended there?
Yes. Because I wanted a partner who saw bathing as a necessity.
She saw it as a suggestion.
