“He told me not to dare think of girl names because we wouldn’t be needing them.”
On today’s episode of Why The Ship Sank, we spoke to Kemi (27, F), who shares how her relationship ended after she discovered that her boyfriend’s dream family consisted of one thing and one thing only: sons. Lots of them.
Q: How did you meet him?
We met at a tech event in Lagos in early 2024. He is a software engineer. Smart, funny, well-spoken and genuinely ambitious. The kind of person who could hold conversations on almost anything.
Honestly, it was love at first sight, and I thought I had hit the jackpot.
Q: Did you make the first move?
No, I didn’t. Apparently, he admired me from afar too, and came to meet me after the event had ended. He didn’t even need to apply pressure at all. I literally matched his energy and we exchanged contacts after complimenting each other.
Q: What was the relationship like at the beginning?
Amazing.
He was intentional from day one. He knew what he wanted. He wasn’t playing games. Within four months, we’d already discussed marriage, finances, where we’d live and the kind of life we wanted.
Everything seemed aligned.
…Or so I thought.
Q: So when did children enter the conversation?
Very early.
He loved children.
Or at least, that’s what I believed.
One evening, we were talking about our future, and he casually said, “I want four boys.”
I laughed. But then I thought…I thought “four children”, which was fair.
Q: What did you say?
I asked, “What if one of them is a girl?”
He looked at me with complete seriousness and said, “That won’t happen.”
I remember laughing again. Unfortunately, this man wasn’t joking.
Q: Wait. He wasn’t?
Absolutely not.
He told me he came from a family of boys. His father had only sons. His uncles had mostly sons. He and his brothers were all men. To him, that was the ideal family structure. He called it a “strong family line.”
Apparently, daughters were not part of the vision.
Q: Did he explain why he felt that way?
Many times.
He believed boys carry on the family name, preserve legacy and maintain family unity. He said daughters eventually get married and belong to another household.
Every time he said things like this, I reminded myself that this was a twenty-eight-year-old software engineer in 2026. Not somebody’s grandfather in a village square.
Q: Did you think he was exaggerating?
For months.
I genuinely believed he was being dramatic. Until he started making plans. Actual plans.
Q: What kind of plans?
He had names. Four first names for each one of them.
Not one girl name, not even a backup option.
One day, I jokingly suggested a girl’s name I liked.
He immediately said, “Why are we discussing things that won’t concern us?”
I thought he was teasing. He wasn’t.
Q: Did you ever ask what would happen if you had daughters?
Yes.
And his answer changed everything.
He said, “We’ll keep trying until we get boys.” Or better still, he trusts his mum to get him someone else.
I was stumped.
I asked again, “What if we have three girls first?”
He shrugged.
“That’s why I trust my parents. They would get me someone else. But then again, I am sure that won’t happen”
Sir?
Am I a human being or a gender production factory? That was honestly my response to him.
Q: Did he believe both parents determine a baby’s sex?
This is where the story gets ridiculous.
He genuinely believed the woman determines the gender of the child. I wish I were lying. I explained basic biology to him.
Chromosomes. Science. Secondary school knowledge. Everything.
This man listened carefully and then said, “That’s what Western education teaches.”
I nearly fainted. A WHOLE graduate!!
Q: A software engineer said that?
A software engineer.
Someone who built applications for a living. Someone who wrote code. Someone who is KNOWLEDGEABLE. Yet somehow, when it came to reproduction, he abandoned all of that.
According to him, women from certain families naturally give birth to girls, while others produce boys.
And apparently, choosing the wrong woman could “weaken a family line.”
I wish I had recorded these conversations.
Q: Did he ever suggest you’d be at fault if you had daughters?
Oh, absolutely. He reiterated this a whole lot when the talk about children came up.
He said men provide the seed, but women determine what grows.
I remember staring at him and wondering how somebody could simultaneously understand artificial intelligence but not Year 9 biology.
Q: So that was the end for you?
That was it for me, really.
Whenever I narrated our conversations, people assumed I was joking.
I remember when one of my friends teased and asked him what he’d do if God blessed him with only daughters.
He replied, “God knows my heart. He wouldn’t do that to me.”
I was embarrassed sha.
So when I understood that this wasn’t a preference, it was an obsession. Wanting boys is one thing, being terrified of having daughters is another.
And blaming your future wife for basic genetics? Absolutely not. I couldn’t spend the rest of my life worrying that giving birth to a girl would make me a disappointment..
And that was the end for me.
