“Getting a job would be a waste of energy when your family had already made it.” Words from Damilola’s ex.
On today’s episode of Why The Ship Sank, we spoke to Damilola (28, F), who shares how her relationship ended after she discovered that her boyfriend had no intention of building a career because he believed her family’s wealth was enough for both of them.
Q: How did you meet him?
We met at a friend’s game night in 2024.
He had just finished NYSC and was honestly one of the funniest people in the room. We clicked almost immediately and started talking every day.
Three months later, we were dating.
Q: What attracted you to him?
He was very intelligent.
He had big ideas, spoke confidently and always had something interesting to say. He wasn’t the type to sit quietly in a corner. He could convince you that the sky was green if you let him talk long enough.
Looking back, I think I mistook confidence for competence.
Q: Was he working when you met?
No.
He told me he was taking his time because he didn’t want to rush into the wrong job.
Fair enough. The job market is difficult, so I didn’t think anything of it.
Q: Did he at least seem interested in finding one?
At first, yes.
Every week, he’d tell me about applications he’d submitted or interviews he was preparing for. I was encouraging him, sending him job openings and even helping him edit his CV. I genuinely believed he was trying.
Q: So when did things start feeling strange?
About six months in.
I realised he always had a reason not to take opportunities. One job paid too little. Another was “beneath his potential.” A hybrid role sounded too stressful. Eventually, I started wondering if he actually wanted to work at all.
Q: Did you ask him directly?
I did.
He laughed and said, “Relax. Everything will sort itself out.” That answer irritated me because “everything” doesn’t sort itself out. People do. But I let it go.
Q: At what point did your family get to know about him?
He met my parents about eight months into the relationship. My dad owns a couple of businesses, so we’ve always been comfortable. But after that visit, something changed.
Q: How so?
He became… relaxed.
That’s the only word I can use. Before then, he’d at least pretend to be job hunting. After meeting my parents, it was almost like he’d mentally retired.
I’d ask about interviews and he’d wave the conversation away.
Q: Did he ever explain why?
Well, one evening, we were discussing marriage and budgeting.
I asked how he imagined we’d manage finances in the first few years. He looked at me and said, “Your parents won’t let us struggle.” I actually laughed. I thought he was joking. He wasn’t.
Q: What exactly did he mean?
He said my parents had more than enough.
According to him, they already saw him as family, so helping us financially would only be natural. He even said, “If your dad can help us with a house and maybe a car, that’s two major problems solved.”
The confidence shocked me. Nobody had offered him anything. He had simply assigned my father’s money to our future.
Q: What was your reaction to that?
I reminded him that my parents’ money belonged to my parents. He looked genuinely confused. Then he said something I’ll never forget.
“What’s the point of marrying into a wealthy family if both of us will still be suffering?”
I just stared at him.
Q: Wait… he actually said that?
Word for word.
He said it didn’t make sense for both of us to be stressing ourselves when my family already had resources. According to him, one person in the family had already done the hard work. The rest of us should enjoy it.
Q: Did he eventually get a job?
He got offers, actually. He rejected all of them. One paid ₦350,000, but he said it wasn’t worth waking up early every day.
There was always an excuse. Looking back, I don’t think he was waiting for the right opportunity.
Q: Did he ever ask your parents for money directly?
Not outright. But he became very comfortable making suggestions. He’d say things like, “Your dad should invest in my business idea.” Or, “Your mum has so many connections. She can easily introduce me to investors.”
Mind you, there was no business. Just ideas. Lots of ideas.
Q: Was he from a wealthy family too?
Not at all. And that wasn’t the issue. I don’t care where someone comes from. What bothered me was the entitlement. He spoke about my parents’ money like it had already been transferred into our joint account.
Q: So, that was it for you?
Completely.
I realised I wasn’t dating someone who wanted to build a life with me. I was dating someone who wanted access to a life my parents had already built.
There’s nothing wrong with receiving help from family when you genuinely need it.
Q: Looking back, what’s your biggest lesson?
Pay attention to how people talk about money. Not just their own money, but other people’s too. Sometimes, entitlement doesn’t show up as arrogance. Sometimes, it sounds like optimism.
