There are crimes, and then there are things Nigerians do that make you stop and wonder, “Who raised this person?”
No judge can sentence them (yet), but if annoyance was illegal, these people would be doing life without parole.
- People Who Play Loud Music in Public
Nobody asked for today’s playlist. Whether it’s in a bus, waiting room or anywhere people are minding their business, your speaker isn’t doing the Lord’s work. Buy earphones.
- People Who Can’t Make a Phone Call Without Shouting
Why are you yelling? Why must your voice be so loud? Why should the person next to you hear what you’re conversing about? The person on the other end of the call can hear you; the rest of us shouldn’t have to.
- People Who Keep Beeping You Instead of Waiting for You to Call Back
One beep. Fine. Two beeps. Maybe. But five beeps in 30 seconds? At that point, just call properly or send a message. We’re not contestants on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?
- People Who Say They’re “Close” When They Haven’t Even Left the House
“Five minutes.”
Meanwhile, they’re still looking for what to wear. If lying was an Olympic sport, these people would be bringing home gold medals every year.
- Relatives Who Ask, “When Are You Getting Married?” at Every Family Gathering
You haven’t even finished greeting everyone before the interrogation begins.
No “How’s work?”, “How have you been?”… just straight to marriage.
- People Who Chew Pen Covers Like They’re Bubble Gum
Every pen they touch comes back looking like it survived a dog attack.
Why?
- People Who Reply to Greetings with Just a Nod
“Good morning.”
nods
Use your words. They won’t finish.
- People Who Spend Forever at the ATM When Everyone Is Waiting
How many accounts are you transferring from? How many beneficiaries are you adding?
The queue has watched three people buy roasted corn and come back before you’re done.
- Guests Who Say They’re “Just Stopping By” Then Stay Until Bedtime
You planned your whole evening around a 20-minute visit.
Somehow, it’s now 9 p.m., they’ve eaten dinner, and are not acting like they’re leaving anytime soon.
- People Who Ask, “You Don’t Remember Me?” Instead of Introducing Themselves
Help us help you.
Don’t turn introductions into a memory test.
- People Who Stand Up To Alight Before the Bus Has Even Parked
The driver hasn’t changed gears, the conductor hasn’t opened the door, but somehow, you’re already halfway out of your seat like there’s a medal waiting outside.
Relax. The driver is stopping for everyone, not just you.
